So this guy asks you out – and I call him a guy because you don’t know yet whether he’s man material – and your mind goes into overdrive:
He’s not my type
We disagree on *THIS* topic, that’s a deal-breaker
I’m not attracted to him
Whoa there, lady! He asked you on a date, not for your hand in marriage. Why are you getting worked up? Why not go on a date with him?
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Maybe fiction has ruined you. You’ve seen so many made-up reformed bad boys that you think you want one. Well, how do you know he isn’t a reformed bad boy? Furthermore, what if he was never a bad boy at all and you could just skip the bullsh*t and go right to the happily ever after? Give him a chance.
What is your type, exactly? And how do you know he isn’t it? You know what you’re not looking for in a man and if he exhibits the behaviour you definitely don’t want, ok, walk away. But if he just seems like he might not be your type, give him a chance.
Did someone tell you this guy’s a loser? How do they know? On what grounds are they basing “loser” on and how much do you respect this someone’s opinion? If they don’t know him any better than you do, give him a chance. It’s better to make up your own mind rather than get caught up in gossip.
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You’ve talked to this guy before and you do not agree on a majorly important topic to you. Fair enough reason to take a minute to ponder this date invitation, I’ll give you that. But I’m going to point out that he also knows that you disagree on this topic and he seems to like you anyway. Give him a chance and find out whether you can respect each other’s differences.
He isn’t a member of the same religion you are. Lame! Interfaith marriages are successful all the time. It takes a great deal of respect and a lot of work to make everyone happy in that circumstance, but those negotiations are earmarks of a successful relationship anyway. Give him a chance.
Is he an awkward dude? Maybe he hasn’t dated very much. Maybe he has social anxiety. Maybe he’s shy. Maybe he’ll be more comfortable around you as you get to know each other better. He took a huge chance in asking you out. Give him a chance!
When shouldn’t I give him a chance?
If this guy turns you off, if there no hesitation in saying “no” to his invitation listen to your gut and walk away.
How much of a chance should I give him?
Give him three dates. After 3 dates you should both be comfortable enough with each other to know whether this is something worth pursuing. Those first 2 dates you can blame a missed connection on lousy wait service, the fact that one of you was having a bad day, or that it was too loud at the restaurant to hear each other. By the end of the third date you’ll know whether you’re interested in getting to know him better. If you’re still hesitant then cut him loose so that both of you can continue on the road to The One.
Catherine Muss is a freelance writer based in Waterloo Region. She has a Bachelor of Journalism from Ryerson University, and she would have minored in psychology if she’d taken the “right” psych classes, but she took the fun ones instead.
Once he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage, read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps To Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together. This book helps you understand how to keep little things from turning into big fights, and this is vital to laying the groundwork that you’ll build on for years to come. There’s a reason why I say this book makes your first year AWESOME.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is helping you understand and clarify those confusing moments, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you begin to feel like you’ve got a great action plan in hand. Heck, I even give you the scripts for those difficult conversations. My specialty is making love happen easily for you. So choose your plan, and let’s create some Magic in your love life.
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Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.