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How to Love… Yourself

Growing up I wasn’t taught much about self-care and its importance, but as time progresses it has worked its way into our everyday lives. We now have weeks dedicated to mental health, as well as companies like Bell supporting the #Let’sTalk Day. And this is all to promote how we manage ourselves, and each other.

We all think we understand the meaning of self-care and it’s worth, but do we really?

Every day, whether I’m at school or scrolling through social media I witness someone putting themselves down.  Not so much others putting them down, but their own selves. And I am guilty of doing that as well because sometimes it happens subconsciously. But the question is why this happens, and how do we change that from happening.

It didn’t take me much research to figure out the root cause of why so many people tend to put themselves down, of course it could different for everyone because we are not all the same, but there are a few reasons that could stick out for everyone.

One theory states that the comments we hear about ourselves over time eventually start to stick with us mentally. So every time someone insulted us about our physical looks, personality, or intelligence it grew with us mentally, and permanently stayed with us.

As humans, we are naturally competitive, and to be competitive that also means we would compare ourselves to each other to determine “better” or “worse”. Obviously, by doing this we tend to recognize what qualities we lack, more than the ones we possess. And because of this, we begin to pick on ourselves because of all the qualities we don’t have.

We tend to find everything wrong with ourselves and that blinds us from seeing our own beauty.

Now that we have an idea of where these thoughts and comments to ourselves come from, how can we change that? How can we turn negative insights into positive compliments?



Well for starters you have to want to change because you’re not going to see a very lasting impact if you’re not completely committed to finding love for yourself. And as egotistical as that sounds, self-love is just as important as any other romantic love you chose to have, if not more. Think about it this way, how are you supposed to expect others to respect you if you’re not respecting yourself? And you shouldn’t hope for someone to love you the way you are if you don’t even love yourself.

So after you’ve decided you are fully committed to loving yourself, try doing these two things every day. One: complimenting yourself every morning and night. And two: whenever you feel like your beating yourself up or putting yourself down just change the topic and remember how amazing you are.

Doing yoga/meditation is also very good for self-care because it works wonders for your brain, self-esteem, and your mental and physical body. Even if you can’t get to the mat every day or meditate every day, simply taking the time once a week will make a difference.

I know Chantal meditates (almost) every day, and I personally try to do yoga for an hour at least twice a week because of the feeling you when you’re done is just so accomplishing. Yoga/Meditation allows you to step out of the current world you’re in and focus on where you are in the moment.

You are allowed to acknowledge your physical and mental body and send love to both of them because you’ve done so much for yourself and that needs to be recognized. So this allows you to openly and freely love yourself and push the negativity aside.

The final step on our journey for self-love would be surrounding yourself with people that respect you. That might be easier said than done, but if you’re constantly around people that not only put you down but themselves too you are not going to see a difference. If you don’t know how to deal with those people I would suggest reading some of Chantal’s books including her new one coming out, because they are very helpful.



At the end of the day, we all need to know how important self-care is because this is the difference between a genuinely happy person and a person that puts on a fake smile. And it is up to you to decide which one of those people you want to be.

Loreque Fearon is a grade 10 student in Toronto, majoring in arts and Dance, as well as Literacy. She plans on writing books about dealing with different types of boys and relationships, and is in the process of developing herself as a budding Author.



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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

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