I’m Tired Of Just Finding Jerks Online

Dear Chantal,

HELP! I’m so tired of online dating. It’s not that I don’t get responses to my profile, it’s that every guy I talk to ends up being a jerk!

Everyone seems great at first, they’ll be really sweet and we’ll text and chat just about every day. But they keep cancelling dates, they ask for selfies all the time which is fine I guess, since they send me pictures about what they’re doing and where they are. But some of them get mad when I draw the line at sending sexy pictures and it’s annoying.

It feels like if I want a relationship it’s always on their terms, and I’m starting to feel like there’s really nothing out there anymore. How can I meet a great man and be done with all this?

Anna

Dear Anna

I understand how frustrating the emotional roller coaster can be, and the longer you’re on this crazy ride the dizzier you end up feeling. I wish I had a magic potion to give you that would automatically turn every guy out there into a great man – put a couple drops in his coffee, and voila! Instant relationship material!

You need a vetting process that works! (Click to buy on Amazon)

Unfortunately you’re right, the online gardens of dating profiles are filled with weeds. And the most common ones are guys who are actually just looking for distractions, instead of a long term relationship to settle into.

It sucks how many layers of smoke and mirrors women have to go through to finally get to the truth with these guys, because a lot of them will say whatever you want to hear to get the sexy pictures, daily texts, and hopefully some fun-fun time with you.

“Of course I’m looking for a long term partner. Of course I’m the monogamous type. Of course you’re the only one I’m interested in!”

So how do you get to the truth without scaring away a good man?

How can you get the guys who are selfish, short term thinkers out of the picture before they take you on a wild ride? The kind of emotional roller coaster that ultimately wasn’t any fun, because it felt like a big ol’ waste of time?

First of all, be sure you’re not replying to online messages that just say, “Hey, how’s you day? Let’s chat.” Because men who are looking for quality relationships are actually putting some time and research into finding the woman they want.

Watch: How to create a FEARLESS dating profile that attracts generous, long term thinkers

Here’s the thing – good men aren’t afraid of a little work. They’re reading online profiles because they’re not just looking for a woman to get into bed with, they’re looking for a life partner.

And that means compatibility.

So when they come across a profile that perks them up, they’ll send a thoughtful message telling you what they found interesting about your similar qualities.

Guys who are online looking for sex are just checking pictures, sending a bazillion “Heyyyyyy girl” messages to see who’s up for something casual.

Even if you’re putting a qualifier in your profile saying you’re not looking for anything casual you’re still gonna get messages from guys just looking for hookups. Why? Because they haven’t bothered to read your profile! They don’t care about what you say, they just care about what they want.

If you do reply, to them that’s the first sign you’re open for something frisky. Actions always speak louder than words, and your willingness to open the door for such low quality attention means you’re okay with something superficial.

And once that door is open, they pour on the honey to see if they can come in.

So stop replying to guys who obviously haven’t read your profile. This’ll not only free up more time, it’s going to send out a cosmic energy that says “Hey, I’m only ready and willing to be plugged into someone genuinely looking for a relationship!”

Communicating with cute guys who haven’t shown real effort might feel good in the moment, but you’re getting wrapped up in the wrong sort of exchanges. And you’re definitely missing out on the man actually ready to start something serious.

Don’t be impatient because messages from men who write more than a few generic words are few and far between. For most of us, it does take time to finally find someone ready for a commitment. The important thing to remember is you need to be available, aware, and receptive when he does come knocking.

Be sure your profile isn’t all about who Mr. Right should and shouldn’t be, because even good men get turned off by profiles that just demand.

Instead, focus on who you are and let it resonate with someone like minded. What do you like to do? What does a typical weekend look like? What are your passions and what do you see yourself doing with your partner once you find each other?

Show him how great you are and let him see the potential for more. You’ll see, eventually your bright, optimistic, un-distracted energy will attract him like a moth to a flame.

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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

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