We’ve all heard the phrase before: You want to find a relationship? You’ve got to put yourself out there!
But what does that even mean?!
Do you publish an online dating profile? Do you tell all your friends and family you’re looking for your future husband? Do you walk around the car shows wearing a “Hi, I’m single!” sign?
WATCH: WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN AT?
That may be what your friends think, but I’m here to tell you that, no, that’s not what it means.
To put yourself out there isn’t just to go out into the physical world and make sure everyone knows you’re looking for a relationship. First and foremost, it’s a frame of mind.
If you put yourself out there without a plan, you will reek of desperation. And we know that like attracts like, so guess what kind of guys you’ll attract? Mmmhmmm. No thanks!
First you need to know why you want to “get out there” at all. Are you looking for Mr. Right? Are you looking for Mr. Right Now? Are you doing it because everyone else you know is married with kids and that seems to be the norm? Be honest with yourself. If the thought of actively dating scares you, it’s not the right time to go forth and seek a partner. And that’s ok! That’s not to say if an incredible man chats you up at your friend’s birthday party you’ll tell him to take a hike, it just means you aren’t quite ready to initiate the approach. If the idea of opening yourself up to meeting someone new excites you, then move on to the next step!
Next you need to know what kind of relationship you’re looking for. Is he tall, dark, and building a solid financial portfolio? Should he enjoy long walks on beaches in the Caribbean? Is one of your ideal languages of love binary code? Know what your man must-haves are so that you can confidently turn away the wrong ones because if you have decided you’re ready to actively take part in the dating scene, there is a good chance you’ll meet a few Mr. Wrongs and it’s not worth anyone’s time to waste it when you know it won’t work out.
Finally, you need to know how far “out there” you’re willing to go. This is a competition between your comfort level and your desire to meet the right man. Feeling nervous? Start small. Ask one friend to keep you in mind if they should think of any great, single men they could introduce you to. Take your sister to the next car show and make it your goal to introduce yourself to one man who catches your eye. However small your step, just make sure you take it.
Feeling more adventuresome? Ask all your friends to keep you in mind if they happen to know any great, single men they could introduce you to. Go to the car show with the goal of having a 5-minute conversation with at least 3 men. Grab some friends and go to that Social Dance at the local event hall that you saw advertised on the side of the road the other day.
“Putting yourself out there” doesn’t have to mean setting up multiple online dating profiles, going to every party you’re invited to, and telling your auntie that, yes, you’re finally willing to let her introduce you to her neighbour’s son. It can if that’s what you’re ready for, but the key here is you. Be picky! This is your ideal relationship we’re talking about here! Go where your heart leads.
Here’s what you can do going forward:
When it’s time to share your next kiss with someone who’s ready, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.
This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.
If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.
Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on linkedin
Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.