Dating After Divorce: The First Steps

Dating after divorce is a stressfully gargantuan step. One on hand it marks the clear end to your marriage. On the other, it’s the start of a new phase of your life. You have a lot of what-if’s floating through your mind at any given moment; What if I made a mistake? What if I’m destined to be alone? What if I marry another man and I fail again?

 WATCH: HOW OFTEN SHOULD YOU SEE SOMEBODY WHEN YOU FIRST START DATING

Some of you have decided the stress isn’t worth it. Some of you are game to try your heart at romance again. Whatever choice you’ve made is the right one for you and either way you can change your mind. But we all know that if you don’t try for love you’ll never know if you can find it again.

The first thing you have to do is to purge your marriage.

That sounds horrible. It is horrible. You have to find out who you are without your husband and you can’t do that if you’re hung up on him. Block him on social media – another reversible decision, and if you have kids you don’t need to see his Facebook posts in order to co-parent. Pitch out or donate anything that is a painful reminder of your marriage, (buy a whole new wardrobe if you must – oh darn!). Spend lots of time hanging out with your friends and family. Join an art class or take up boxing. Live!

You can take a break from romance entirely during this process, but there are a lot of women who are ready to jump back into dating. There’s no harm in either choice, but I caution you that jumping into a serious relationship within a few months after your divorce is perilous because you still aren’t sure who you are as a single woman at this stage of your life, and that isn’t fair to you or your new man. Take it slow, get to know yourself, and your new flame. Engage Chantal’s No Kissing for 3 Months rule! That strategy could save you from falling in love with a rebound, an immature guy, or getting attached to a social user. Keep your head and approach a potential relationship with your brains instead of your body in order to know whether he’s in it for now or for you. And vice versa!

You’ll know you’re ready for love again when dating isn’t a frenzy but fun, when you no longer feel obsessed to find a man, and when dating is an exciting social event and not a stepping stone to the next phase of your life. It might be that you need to go on a bunch of dates to realize you aren’t ready to date right not after all, and it might mean that you find a fabulous man the first night out. All of these feelings and behaviours are normal post-divorce dating cycles, and you are normal, and you are fabulous, and you can do this!

Dating after divorce is a topic women bring up to Canada’s Dating Coach often so this is just the first in a series of blog posts that you’ll see over the next few months. Do you have a question about dating after divorce? Post it in the comments below or send Chantal a note through any of her social media contacts above.

Here’s what you can do going forward:  

If he’s NOT ready to commit and you’re tired of this scenario, or just want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s ready, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.

If he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome  and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.

This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.

Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.

Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.

If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.

Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.

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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

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