Don’t Make It All About The Initial Spark

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Don’t Make It All About The Initial Spark


I’m posting this because I had this exact same conversation on Thursday with the four ladies in my Dating Smart Online group.

Before I met my husband I didn’t have a specific “type”, but if you’d asked me to write a description of my perfect man, I probably wouldn’t have written “balding” and “goatee”.



Take your time, let things develop, don’t look for the man that’s going to light your spark the first time you see him. Ask yourself, do I have good conversations with him? Do I have a good time around him? Do I feel safe when I’m with him? Is he respecting my boundaries? Is he good boyfriend material?

You’re setting a three month no kissing boundary, take this time to figure him out. If you start to feel like you don’t like his personality, then for sure move on. But love does amazing things, and when you start to see someone’s beauty on the inside, it shines so brightly that the outside….mmmmmm…

Let me tell you.

My husband is sexy as f*ck. He’s the best looking man on this planet, and I’m not even joking. I look at him every day with hungry eyes, because he kisses me, unlike any man ever has and ever will. He feels me and knows just what’s going on in my mind. He treats me like a queen, and I get a kick out of treating him like a king. He doesn’t have sex with me, he makes love to me.

And his devotion…is absolute.

Don’t worry about whether or not you feel a spark right away. Worry about whether or not you’ll be in love 10 years later.

And speaking of love…here’s a picture of me and my husband on our honeymoon 🙂 It’s been 10 years now, and it’s the best it’s ever been and getting better still. It wasn’t without a lot of tears and battle scars, but that’s part of the process of unpacking your emotional baggage together. We’re past the hump and on our way to simply enjoying each other, supporting each other, and loving each other for as long as we both shall live.


Here’s what you can do going forward:  

To find someone ready to commit get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.



If he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome  and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.

This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.


Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.


Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.


If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.

Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.


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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

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