Getting through the holidays with a new guy you aren’t sure you want to keep
The dating game can get dicey during holidays. Doesn’t matter if it’s Christmas, Valentine’s Day, or Halloween, fitting family traditions with a new relationship is often distressing, to say the least. It’s worse when the relationship is so new you aren’t sure you want to keep him around long-term. Do you ask Mom if he can come to the family dinner? How much should you spend on a gift? We’ve got some tips to help you keep your sanity and your heart in check during any holiday situation.
WATCH: HOW DO YOU GET YOUR MAN TO BE MORE AGREEABLE?
The Family Feast:
Family feasts are a traditional part of most holidays, and I’d like to say that since holidays are a time of celebration and sharing, your date is likely welcome to your family table, and you to his. Always clear it with the host before you invite him along with you, and don’t worry about prepping anyone else.
You can let the rest of the family know you’re bringing a date, but don’t let anyone psyche you out. Bringing a date to the family dinner table is not an indicator of true love and future marriage, it’s inclusive and thoughtful and just plain nice!
If you’re really worried about what your family will think, tell them you’re bringing a friend! And leave it at that.
Don’t freak yourself out too much about going to his family’s dinner, either. Put on your best attitude and just roll with it, the same as you would if you were going to a friend’s house. Don’t fret about the possibility that these people are your future in-laws, enjoy the invitation and social gathering and toast to the holiday with a smile on your face.
Gift Exchange Expectations:
At which point do you exchange gifts at Christmas, birthdays, or Valentine’s Day? If you’ve only been seeing each other casually, keep the gift-giving casual. A $20 gift card for the liquor store or a couple of packs of his favourite gum are absolutely fine. Choose something practical that he won’t keep forever. Your goal in gift-giving early on is to celebrate the holiday or grand event, not lay down a foundation for your future.
What do you do if he gifts you something expensive and thoughtful? Slap a big smile on your face, say, “Thank you!” enthusiastically and be grateful. Even if you hate it.
A friend of mine was given a silver bracelet by a guy she was seeing after only dating for 2 weeks. She was shocked. When she showed it to me I took a look at it and told her it was white gold and worth quite a bit more than she initially thought. She was extra glad she had squealed in delight when she opened the box, even though she wasn’t prepared for that gift at all.
WATCH: HOW DO YOU GET HIM TO HEAR YOU?
The Approach When Kids Are Involved:
When your holiday traditions include your kids or his, title each other “friend”. Mom isn’t dating, she’s making new friends. Dad isn’t bringing his date to the family picnic, he’s bringing a friend. This takes the pressure off of everyone – kids included – and you can enjoy the celebrations as a group. You’re not stressed out trying to impress anyone, and neither are they. Any friend to one member of the family is a friend to all, right?
No matter what part of the holiday you’re sweating about with your maybe-or-maybe-not new beau, talk to him about your expectations for the holidays. Maybe you aren’t ready to incorporate each other into family traditions, and that’s okay. Talk to him about the gift exchange. Talk to him about your family dinner and why you aren’t ready to bring him home to Mom. Talk to him about how you aren’t ready to meet his kids with the pressure of the holidays on all of you.
If either of you isn’t ready to bring the other home for the holidays yet, that’s totally okay. It’s not a clear indicator that you’re new relationship is doomed. In fact, such clear communication and thoughtful consideration of each other could mean you’re destined for greatness. The critical part is your ability to talk to each other about it. If you can’t talk about something as simple and normal as holiday expectations, what are you doing with him?
Here’s what you can do going forward:
If he’s NOT ready to commit and you’re tired of this scenario, or just want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s ready, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.
This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
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Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.