You’re post-breakup and ready to find love again. Well, you were ready until you actually checked out the dating scene and felt like a dinosaur.
Do these thoughts sound familiar?
I have no idea what I’m doing!
What even IS dating anymore?!
How do I write an online profile? Are long walks on the beach still ok?
What does it mean to “swipe left”?
Where are the MEN at?
How do I date at my age?
You’ve done some research on today’s dating scene, that’s great! You’ve heard about dating websites and apps, speed dating, singles dances, outdoor groups, social clubs, etc. Don’t get overwhelmed by today’s technology, lingo, or perceived expectations. Those are tools, not necessities.
WATCH: THE 7 QUALITIES A MAN LOOKS FOR IN A WOMAN
Note that I referred to this as “today’s dating scene”. Your age isn’t the motivation here, today is. Focus on who you are right now and what you want from a relationship, not what other people your age are doing, or what you think they’re doing. Or even worse, what you THINK they should be doing.
How old were you the last time you went on a date? And I don’t mean with your significant other, I mean with someone you weren’t already passionately smooching in dark corners. A teenager? A college student? 32?
What aspects of that dating scene appeal to you? What about it makes you think you’d rather be a crazy cat lady than face *insert former-you dating habit here *? And how old are you now? 47? 39? 58? 71? 33?
Age is just a number. If you’re hung up on that number now, it’s a simple matter to fall into an ageism-based dating strategy. And not only will you miss out on opportunities, but you also run the risk of belittling yourself. For sure join a 50+ dating website if that’s your generation and you’re interested, but don’t limit your quest for love to that website. Open your heart to connection, not an age range. Will you walk away if your future love is 10 years older than you? What if he’s younger than you? How much younger or older is too much? Where do you draw the line? Look at it from his perspective; would you be okay if men assume that at 54 you won’t have the energy for hiking or be interested in superhero movies?
Don’t ignore your age, but embrace it. Whether you’re in your 30s or 50s you have accumulated remarkable life experience, an interesting work history, loved and lost, and probably incurred some debt (or paid it off). These are things that you should consider when you’re dating because you want a man who will compliment you. You want a man who you can love and grieve with, who can stand with you as you manage your finances, support your career choices – or changes.
You don’t want to try online dating? You don’t have to! You don’t want to be in da club ever again? Don’t! You’re too old to date? NO! But do you want to try online dating? Go for it! And tell all your friends you’re looking for someone. Go to the auto show and get your flirt on (even if it’s just to practice). Yours is exactly the right age to date. Get out there and meet people everywhere you can, and if you’re struggling with confidence read Chantal’s book No More Assholes. And if you’re in the KW area in August, check out her Dating Smart seminar.
Dating at any age has everything to do with what you want out of life and nothing to do with your year of birth. What do you need to know about dating at your age? That you can do it.
Here’s what you can do going forward:
To find someone ready to commit get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing. He’s out there, I promise.
This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.
If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.
Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.
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Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.