First of all, nobody should be making excuses for anybody. When my husband can’t come to a party I don’t make any excuses. Instead, I simply state the facts; my man works long, hard hours to sustain his business. And although he’s always invited to come with me, I’m also selective with the “You need to be by my side at this event” requests because I always want a “Yes” when I want him by my side.
WATCH: WHY THE WORD “SHOULD” KILLS THE LOVE YOU HAVE
If need be, I explain what it is about him that keeps him so busy. He’s ambitious, which means he loads a lot of responsibilities onto his plate. He’s generous with his kids, and that requires money he has to work even longer hours to earn. He’s intelligent, which means he always has an eye out for opportunities, adding even more to his already loaded schedule. And all this makes him feel like a productive, fulfilled human being.
So no, I don’t make excuses for him not coming to your shindig. But I do explain what makes him an autonomous person. Then take a moment to divulge how we care about each other’s feelings and support each other’s individuality.
But often when people ask me that question, they’re talking about behavior that’s more dysfunctional than that of a hard-working businessman.
“Should I make excuses for the guy who keeps canceling our dates?”
“Should I make excuses for my boyfriend who keeps borrowing money from me?”
“Should I make excuses for my husband, who lost his temper and hit me?”
And that answer is, No.
Because excuses are what we use when we’re trying to hide the truth behind convenient bullshit.
Well, he’s really busy and stuff keeps popping up.
He has a mental illness and doesn’t get to work every day.
He was under a lot of stress and is really sorry.
When you’re wondering if you should be “making excuses,” really what you should be asking yourself is, “Am I hiding an ugly truth?” And if the answer is yes, you need to stop making excuses and start re-aligning your life with how it should be, not how you wish it was. With an attentive guy who knows how to handle his money and emotions.
If the behavior is what I like to call “worthy behavior,” meaning it stems from a desire to be a better person, have a better life, and be generous with others, you don’t need to make excuses to appease other peoples expectations. They might not like that he shows up at 1 out of 10 social events, but if you admire his character you can simply find a way to communicate that.
But never, ever make excuses for someone’s bad behavior. They’re not worth the effort, and you shouldn’t be bearing the pain of the behavior you’re excusing.
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Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.