One of the greatest challenges of dating in the 21st century is pride. Pride stands in the way of communication, of intuition, and, above all, it makes us put too much emphasis on the question, “who pays for this date?” When you let pride take over you miss the subtle clues that a man is falling in love with you, nor will you be willing to compromise when it’s important to.
WATCH: WHY DO GOOD GUYS (AND GIRLS!) FINISH LAST?
Both of those things – subtle clues and compromise – play huge roles in deciding when it’s appropriate to pay the way on a date.
“Are you kidding me? I’ll pay my way every time and he’s just going to have to accept that!”
I hear you! This is where you have to have a little pep talk with your pride and understand the difference between taking advantage of someone and letting someone take care of you. We women are natural-born caretakers.
We are always willing to lend a helping hand, a shoulder to lean on, and ears to listen. Even the most logically-thinking woman has moments where they think they could tame a bad boy. *insert bad boy fantasies here* Men are also ingrained to be nurturing.
When he finds that special lady, a man want to profess his love for her, provide for her needs, and protect her from harm. And he’s going to practice doing all of those things on all of the ladies he dates in the meantime because he respect ladies. He wants to treat his special lady like the wonderful person she is from the start, so he is going to want to pay for all of your dates!
But we women have trouble with that because we aren’t looking to marry for money, we have no use for a sugar daddy and we’re afraid that in letting a man pay our way we’ll give him the wrong opinion about us. We resist letting someone else take care of us.
Awkward! How do you find a compromise that will make both of you feel good? First of all, tell yourself that letting him pay for you is not the same as expecting him to pay for you. You aren’t a money-hungry monster, you’re an amazing woman being romanced. Enjoy that!
Secondly, offer to pay after the third date. When the bill comes on that fourth date, reach for your wallet. If he still insists on paying, smile and say thank you, and put your wallet away. No arguments. No, “You really don’t have to do that,” because you just proved that he doesn’t have to pay for you.
Do you really, really want to pay for your date? Then you plan the date and tell him that you would like to take him out. No need to pull out all the stops, just plan something fun and affordable on your budget.
WATCH: 3 STEPS TO GETTING SOMEONE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
Don’t make a fuss about it, “you’ve paid for me so many times…” it’s not a contest, it’s a test of kindness and commitment. Is he into you? If he’s paying for your date, he is! It’s a subtle sign that he is taking you on a date, not out on a friendly visit.
He likes you an awful lot and his Provide programming tells him that this is how he should show you. Insisting to pay your way tells him that you aren’t interested in taking this relationship further, and you’ll wonder what went wrong when he moves on.
What do you do if he insists you pay or split the bill? Then he’s a guy, and you want a man. Pay for yourself and take yourself home and put your heat’s efforts elsewhere. Don’t do anything you don’t want out of guilt, either. Just because he’s paying doesn’t mean he owns you. You can make suggestions. If your ideal dates aren’t meshing with his plans then that’s another sign that it’s time to say bye and move on.
You don’t owe him anything because he pays for your date. To a man, spending time with you is worth parting with his hard-earned dollars, whether they’re spent on a couple of ice cream cones or an evening at the theatre.
Here’s what you can do going forward:
If he’s NOT ready to commit and you’re tired of this scenario, or just want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s ready, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.
This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.
If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.
Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.
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Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.