Dating After Divorce: Picking up the pieces after he left you for your best friend

Divorce sucks. At the best of times, it’s the end of a powerful friendship. At the worst, it’s nuclear devastation that will wreak havoc on your mind at least as long as it made your heart sing.

Here at Canada’s Dating Coach, we’ve spoken with more than one woman whose marriage ended because her husband was having an affair with her best friend. That’s a double-dose of hurt. The man you trusted to love you forever has abandoned you, and the friend who you should have been able to lean on when your marriage ended walked away with him.

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In between the bouts of rage and betrayal you’re experiencing, some part of you wonders if you can ever trust again. You’re likely highly suspect about the sincerity of everyone in your life right now, and swearing off of marriage forever. And while statistically it’s proven that the rate of divorce is high, and if you do an online search you’ll find you aren’t the only woman to have her heart ripped out and in half like this, I’m here to tell you that you are more than a number, and you can find room for love in your heart again.

To begin healing from your heartbreak you need to keep 2 things in mind:

1. This is not your fault, and

2. Not everyone is going to betray you like your ex-husband and ex-BFF have.

Being happy isn’t easy, but it’s worth fighting for. You have to practice opening your heart to joy, to new friendships, and to love. You’re going to stumble, and when you do you’re going to find the strength to excuse yourself, ask for forgiveness where you need to, and keep going forward to a place in your life when this terrible event is behind you.

It’s easy to throw away all of your friendships because clearly, you can’t trust anyone, and to just know that any man who smiles at you is a two-timing loser. If you take that road you’ll be miserable for a long time. Taking that stance isn’t fair to anyone, including you! The fault is entirely on the new Super-awful couple.

If your ex claims you drove him away, I counter that he didn’t communicate his unhappiness with you. He didn’t give your marriage a chance, he bailed. And both of them are in a relationship founded on cheating and lies, and you know what? They can have it, and you are free! Easier said than felt, I know, but you’ve got start somewhere.

Take the time you need to rage and to grieve your ended relationships. Counselling is never a bad idea. Two people that you love broke you. That doesn’t mean everyone you love will do that. Take one step toward moving on and discover that the next one won’t be as difficult. When you feel ready, let your family and real friends know that you’re interested in dating again, even if you still have some doubts.

One of my favourite life moments came when a wonderful friend of mine said about her new boyfriend, “This is the first time I haven’t dated a douche. It’s amazing!” You deserve amazing. Love yourself enough to know that you still are, and always were, worthy of true love, and you will find it.

Is there a topic about dating and divorce that you’d like to hear more about? Comment below or contact Chantal through any of her social media channels listed at the top of the page.

Here’s what you can do going forward:  

Once you’re ready to date and want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s ready, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.

When he’s ready to commit and it’s time to take it to the next stage (woohoo!), read After The First Kiss – 7 Steps to Making Your First Year Together Ridiculously Awesome  and make sure you’re creating a strong foundation together.

This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.

Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.

Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.

If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.

Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.

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Chantal Heide – Canada’s Dating Coach

Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.

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