Why you said “yes” to going out with a guy you weren’t into
(and how not to do that again!)
So, you met this guy. There’s nothing wrong with him, but you didn’t feel any spark. You didn’t wonder what scintillating conversation you might have over an evening walking through the art gallery. It’s not that he isn’t your type, it’s just that he’s not…he’s just not for you.
WATCH: DON’T LET THIS COMMON HABIT WRECK YOUR LOVE LIFE!
But you said yes to a date anyway!
Now you’re staring at yourself the bathroom mirror clutching your makeup bag, wondering whether you should bother with mascara or just go as you are because you just don’t care.
WHY did you say yes?
Pity: For some reason you felt bad for this man and thought it would be kinder to him to say yes to a date. The truth is that pity dates are disrespectful to both of you.
By saying yes out of pity, you are leading this man on. Now, after he’s invested time and money into this date, you have to tell him that it was all for naught and that he doesn’t have a chance with you. It doesn’t matter if he’s a friend, or just down on his luck, you’ll do more for him by being politely honest and saying, “Thank you, I’m flattered. But I don’t feel like that about you and my answer is no,” than lying.
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You’ve also put yourself down by not taking control of your relationships, and spending time on a romantic interest that you know isn’t going to go anywhere. Respect yourself by acknowledging that you do not have to give anyone a chance if you don’t want to. You are the chooser!
Desperation: Something set you off and put you in a state of Must Marry Now. Maybe you just went to another wedding or baby shower, your biological clock is ticking, or your birthday is coming up and you’ve realized that being single at your age was not part of your plan.
When you’re desperate to find The One and you say yes to a date with a man you aren’t interested in, you convince yourself that you just need to take this chance because what you’ve been doing hasn’t worked. My friend, a desperate date isn’t going to work, either.
Forget opposites (“they” really mean complimentary, anyway), Like Attracts Like. This is a fundamental relationship concept that we can’t shout loud enough here at Canadas Dating Coach. If you’re desperate, the man whose invitation you accepted is also desperate. Yes, really.
You aren’t going out based on mutual attraction or interest. If it becomes a relationship, it is not founded on equality, and you will never truly connect with this man because you aren’t interested in THIS man, you are interested in A man. ANY man. Don’t settle, be picky, and know who you’re looking for. Embody those qualities. This way you will find the RIGHT man.
Don’t go on dates like that ever again!
When it comes to dating and relationships the most important thing to do is have faith in yourself. Dating is an experiment, and when you’re conducting an experiment you have a standard set of steps to follow and specific ingredients to use. While you don’t know the outcome of your experiment, you start the whole thing off with an educated guess.
When you go on a date you aren’t interested in, you throw the entire lab in the garbage. Reserve your dates for men you’re genuinely interested in getting to know. You are worthy of finding a man who will be a partner in this adventure called life, and your happiness is worth the efforts.
Here’s what you can do going forward:
When you want to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s right for you, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously amazing and ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.
This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.
If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.
Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.
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Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.