I’m going to be brutally honest here, getting attention from a guy means absolutely nothing.
Let me clarify.
A Guy who doesn’t want anything from you but your sweet booty when he wants it will pay lots of attention to you. Text messages up the yin yang, dinners out, a trip to the club so he can get some drinks in you, yes. But all that attention has one purpose – to sweeten you up so you’ll willingly give what’ he’s looking for. A release.
WATCH: DON’T FALL FOR JUST ATTENTION, GET THIS TOO
But attention alone really doesn’t mean he’s into you. You know, you as a human being. He’s into how you look, how you move, and how willing you are. But he’s not into what your goals are, what your dreams are, what you want for yourself long term. He might not even be into what you think, at all.
Does that matter to you? If you’re looking for a long term relationship, it should. If you’re just looking for some fun-fun because you don’t want to settle down right now, then it doesn’t. You’re on the same page.
But for those of you who are actively seeking a partner to create a life with, you’ve got to look farther than attention. And you’ve got to stop feeling flattered by the attention, because it’s that “Oo la la!” excitement over his fawning that’s getting you wrapped around the finger of the wrong guy over and over. And guess what? While your brain is fogged up by his texts and smiles you’re not seeing that amazing man over there, waiting for his chance to show you he’s looking for the same things you are.
So how do you avoid the Attention Trap? You’ve GOT to use my No Kissing For 3 Months dating rule! Guys who are looking for short term fun and nothing more don’t last that long without getting what they want. They’ll move on, stop texting, and leave you free and clear for someone awesome. You know, a Man who wants a woman he’ll love because he fell for her mind, her ideas, her goals, her similarities.
Attention if fun, of course. But can he sustain his attention? Is he lying about what he wants? Does he live in his parent’s basement?! When he says “You’re fascinating” can he answer the question “Oh yeah? What do you find fascinating about me?” in a way that has depth and shows insight into what he finds valuable? Or is he feeding you shallow lines?
What does he say when you ask the question, “are you looking for a relationship?” And is he willing to get to know you? Or does he run when you say you don’t want to kiss for 3 months because you’re too smart to commit yourself to a stranger? Yes, those are a lot of questions… but if you’re looking for someone long term you deserve to know the answers before you make another mistake that’ll cost you a chunk of time and piece of your heart.
Here’s what you can do going forward:
When you need a vetting process and you’re ready to make sure your next kiss is with someone who’s amazing, get a copy of No More Assholes and find someone seriously ready to commit. He’s out there, I promise.
This is the book that helps you avoid turning little things into big fights, and you’ll love how the advice inside helps you create the Magical relationship you’re looking for. Peaceful, cohesive, passionate, and intimate.
Need help figuring the whole thing out? Let’s work together one on one so you can gain the clarity and peace of mind you need right now. My specialty is your peace of mind, and I’m adept at giving the perspective you need along with the tools you’ll use to start feeling happier, clearer, and on your way to the Love you want ASAP.
Look, nothing sucks more than giving your heart to someone who isn’t giving theirs back.
If this is something you’ve done too often it’s time to break that pattern, and lucky for you, you’ve met the pattern breaker. You’ll use different behaviors so you get a different outcome, and I know how to trigger a man’s brain in all the right spots.
Your happiness depends on your decisions first and foremost, not his, and I’m the Sherpa who carries the burden of knowledge and shows you the way.
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Chantal Heide is an Author and Motivational Speaker, focusing on dating and relationship building. Her books Dating 101, Comeback Queen, Fake Love Need Not Apply, No More Assholes, After The First Kiss, Fix That Shit, Say Yes To Goodness, and Custom Made (available on this website, Amazon, and your favorite online book retailer) help her readers attract the love they’re looking for, regardless of their starting point . View her BOOKS page for more information. Be sure to check out more free advice on Facebook, YouTube, and Itunes, as well as fun tidbits about her life on Instagram and Twitter.